Wednesday, 2 July 2008

My dateless diary of discomforts!

1) i feel quite uneasy when i see someone gobbling idlis or dosas or rotis or any other wholesome, non-sticky palatable stuff for that matter, with forks & spoons! A few days back, i saw one of my colleagues trying to scrape the pulp out of a mango & eat the juicy portions attached to the seed, with a spoon!! That was the heighttttt of unnecessarily-modern-stylish eating! i just wanted to leave a loud imperssion of my hand on her cheek.... but my code of conduct prevented me from doing so... Well..... what is the intention here?? is it to avoid dirtying of fingers/hand? ok, then one can very well wash his/her hand with soap & water that'll serve the purpose of removing food particles, stain, greasy matter & odour from the otherwise clean hands! if the aim is to prove some other point... like the proficiency in table manners/dining etiquette or stylish & sophisticated eating habits.... then, well.... i dont have anything to say to you folks!! Life is too simple guys & so are life styles! Pl dont infuse ridiculous complexities into it!

2) Day to day existence in Bangalore is more troublesome & sickening than life in a large metro (i know & i mean only Chennai ;-))! Waking up at 7 in the morning with half-shut eyes & half-shut mind to see very little daylight peeping in through the window (making it look like a frosty 5 past midnight!), reluctantly doing all the morning duties in the shivering cold, cooking weird dishes in a nonsensical pace & packing lunch, hurrying madly to catch the one & only office shuttle, getting stuck & squeezed in an inevitable intolerable traffic jam every single day, reaching office at the nick ot time... all weary & worn out of the essential body nutrients, spending a usually dull & dreary day at office compulsarily staring at the monitor bleakly & dreaming of the far-fetched yet fun-filled weekend all the while, hanging around with friends & relishing coffee breaks more than the coffee itself, sincerely leaving office even before the clock strikes 6pm!, painstakingly caught in the never-ending queue of vehicle population down the road, a mad rush past vehicles quite oblivious of the changing traffic light hues, reaching home with a sigh of relief & a sense of achievement, refreshing & incessant relaxing in front of the idiot box, gobbling & gnawing the little palatable stuff removed from the refrigerator & reheated in the oven, chatting about office episodes, troubles, worries, wishes & the world of opportunities before us, retiring back to the cosy bed of deep slumber & dreams unlimited!! A normal but crazy routine in every sw prof's life..... but crazier & gloomier when it comes to life at Bangalore.....

3) i completely hate people who linger around the rest room for long hours, chatting on the mobile phone for an idiotically indefinite period of time.... it is absolutely embarassing to find someone lurking about the loo... trying to keep a count of the number of minutes you take to get ur business done, the number of flushes you make, the number of times ur hand comes in contact with the handwash, the number of times you frequent the place in an interval of 2hrs etc... etc... Man, i just cant comprehend how a person can keep talking away to glory for hrs together in such a cramped whacky place (which offers zero or negative network coverage)..... all the time listening blissfully to the soulful music of water mixing with you-know-what! And how does the person at the other end (of the phone, i mean ;-)) relish this background score of strange "sizzling" sounds???!! 8-O All those guys & girls who are into this "testing" practice.... please try to understand.... there's a hell lot of vacant space outside the to exercise your right to speech! Please let the souls in the holy abode "rest" in peace!! :-)

4) The recent appraisal cycle & the resultant hikes/promotions have made me reflect on how well, seemingly-trivial things like a "soap" & "bucket" go together hand in hand.... just like bread & butter, curd rice & pickle, fruit salad & ice cream, vodka & cigar :-) , Laloo Prasad & the cattle junta, Reality shows & controversies, Sreesanth & his "slapstick" comedies on the field, Monsieur Obama & Ms.Clinton, Deepika Padukone & as-of-now-Ranbir, Noida & gruesome murders etc... etc.... The only words of caution to be noted being.... an excessive exercise of soap might also land you in MORE than one bottomless bucket!! Also the same brand of soap might not suit & satisfy all sort of skins.... and if at all the soap falls down during the process, dont hesitate to stoop down low enough to grab the fragments, even if it means gracing the feet of the "provider"! And always remember.... Smoother the soap, stronger the bucket!! :-P

5) i find myself shifting in my seat, shuffling my feet & biting my nails, when someone exclaims "Whoa you are a mallu??? Thats quite surprising!! your husband does seem so.... but your looks dont suggest the possibility of you being one....." this is more like the cliched expression "North Indian" pointing to any person not from the southern states, but could possibly inhabit the east, west, north east, north west, central parts of India!! well well.... i agree Malayalam is my mother tongue, but the fact is i ReadWriteSpeak Tamil even better, know a decent "amount" of English & Hindi, am accustomed to a wee bit of French, can comprehend Telugu & Kannada to some extent, love to learn Bengali any time & have a great passion for Urdu & Konkani!!!!! Now why on earth am i referred to as a Mallu???? just bcoz that's my tongue by heredity? As far as iam concerned, language is just a medium of communication & if both the transmitter & receiver of the sounds/sights are comfortable, even sign language would be fantabulous!! Why unnecessarily associate language with one's traits/traditions/life styles?!!

6) i get suffocated & de-stabilized when iam at my native place, surrounded by infinite number of relatives, all throwing quizzical glances at me & enquiring with an unusual outpour of affection as to whether there is anything "special", anything "extraordinary" happening in my life, with an awkward, mocking smile on their lips! as if the whole purpose of existence in this world is to keep "pollinating" & multiplying!!! i wonder why the hell these folks cant mind their very own business instead of poking their large ugly noses into other people's interiors! i would very well love to massacre this entire lot of people with bare hands.... and let them know what all "extraordinary" things i am capable of doing!! just being polite & courteous all the while doesnt help at all....

7) i find my blood pressure shooting to extra terrestrial heights when the assistants/helpers/sales (wo)men in a shop keep trailing behind me in close quarters.... spying on me like the direct decendant of Mr.Sherry Holmes, breathing under my hat & making me feel like a prey at the hands of a butcher! Why do these people behave this way? Or rather, why are they taught this code of conduct? Cant people be civil/sensible enought o maintain a distance from the customers & still be helpful in times of need? Why should they walk around like they are inseparably attached to our tail bone since entry into the hideous shop!! Many a times, this has made me "flee" from shops involuntarily, without even attempting the intented purchase! it is high time shop keepers realize the need to treat their customers with dignity & provide them the right amount of breathing space & assistance! :-)

8) i feel utterly distressed & helpless when i find myself in close proximity to a eunuch! On the roads, inside parks, at the traffic signal, at the restaurant, at cinema halls & places of tourist attraction, these special set of people make life miserable for innocent individuals passing alongside them! i understand these people are suppressed & oppressed in different walks of life and find it next-to-impossible to sustain themselves on this planet. But, whatever said & done, these group of people should not try to gain sympathy or money by enforcing their physical strengths or "displaying" their biological disabilities to the general public!! This kind of behaviour will only add fuel to the existing fire of hatred, neglect & ill-treatment meted out to this unfortunate community!


sreeramshenoy said...

Whoa...discomforts galore!! :D
Appraisal one was awesome...Vodka and Cigar eh? :P
What you said about language being just medium of communication, is very true...completely agree with it!! I speak Konkani if you didn't know!! ;)
Cool post Sow!! :D

sreeramshenoy said...

And I finally did manage to get hold of tickets for the Sunday matinee discomfort there!! Aww...le...liya!! :P

rV said...

Heh heh.. looks like u've a lot of problem!! :(

and yeah the language one always drives me crazy!! :x

GoodEarth said...

Thanks doctor!

Yes it is raining discomforts all the while!! Vodka & Cigar are my official medicines, as per ur prescription :-)

i of course know that you speak a hideous language called "Konkani"... lol :-P
Kudos... on getting the tickets man!

GoodEarth said...

Hey Rahul!
Yeah lot of problems man!! so u have less of them? ;-)
glad to know u too share similar views on the lang-tongue stuff :-)

Keep visiting man!

Heptanesian Blue said...

Nice nice nice....your blog's quite unlike the usual ah-im-so-different-the-world's-pathetic blogs!

GoodEarth said...

@heptanesian blue,
Hey thanks! hope that was a compliment ;-)